Jun 21, 2014
Max Here. I am just fine, thank you! In case you missed it, my 7th birthday on May 16th was just fine. I got a squirrel-covered cake like I asked for (Editor’s Note: They were squirrels made of yogurt frosting, not the real squirrels he was asking for. Please don’t tell him.) And everyone made loud noises […]Continue Reading
Oct 8, 2013
Hi there. I’m Coal, the 10-year old black lab at Two Salty Dogs. Don calls me “The Geezer.” I’m the black lab at the shop who loves swimming, playing fetch, peanut butter treats, and affection. In fact, I like just about everything, everyone, and every dog I’ve ever met. The only thing I cannot stand is zombies. Filthy, stinking, rotten, brain-eating zombies! DOG……I hate them SO much!!!!!!!!!!!
Zombies try to hurt people, people! They try to get you and eat you! Are you people blind? Can’t you see? And you keep going about your daily lives, completely unconcerned that there’s a zombie behind the corner who would feast upon your BRAIN! And you need your brain to think about things! Things like what time my dinner is! Also it would REALLY help to have a brain to decide where we are going for walkies/swim in the morning! THANK YOU!
But you Sheeple keep pretending there are no such thing as zombies. It’s like you don’t care and you don’t protect yourself. It was around this time last year at the store we saw a SWARM of zombies and vampires and witches and ghouls and OTHER NASTY THINGS headed straight for the shop door! CAN YOU IMAGINE IT? (Editor’s note: It was last year’s Halloween Parade where all the kids dress up in costumes and Trick or Treat at the local businesses). Thankfully, Don and Liana are the smartest people I know, and they started giving the marching filth lots of treats so they would go next door and not eat their precious people brains. They also hired a gigantic white dog with black spots to keep the villains at bay (Editor’s note: He’s talking about Liana in that dog costume. It was a big hit!). We were so lucky to get out of that with our tails attached! But I don’t intend to be just lucky again. I intend to beat these ghouls.
So—Since you people are incapable of spotting a zombie unless it is gnawing on your own brain stem, I will help you because I like all LIVING creatures. I will be holding my famous “Zombie Class” on October 31st from 11am to 2pm. If you come into the shop and act like a realistic zombie, I will bark at you, and you will get a free bag of treats from Don and Liana. If you are some poseur, you will get nothing except your brain eaten later that evening by the swarm. Perhaps I will lick you or gaze into your eyes as a way of saying “Goodbye nice people. The zombies await your brain.” But if I don’t bark at you, and you don’t get those bag of treats…..you are zombie fodder.
I don’t mean to be mean. I want you people to LIVE and for you to get those treats. But I can only do so much. You have to help me. You have to FIGHT!
– I am Coal. I will protect you. IF you let me.
Hi there. I’m Coal, the 10-year old black lab at Two Salty Dogs. Don calls me “The Geezer.” I’m the black lab at the shop who loves swimming, playing fetch, peanut butter treats, and affection. In fact, I like just about everything, everyone, and every dog I’ve ever met. The only thing I cannot stand […]Continue Reading
Sep 9, 2013
Max here. I am just fine, thank you. Just a quick update on the Mutt Scrub– We raised over $1,000 for the Lincoln County Animal Shelter and BARKK! Everyone did such a great job! And Coal won the the dog version of musical chairs (Editors Note: When the music stops, the last dog not sitting […]Continue Reading
Jul 20, 2013
I am Aug. This is my dog blog. Yes. I like the ring to that…. Aug’s Dog Blog. Well, what do you know? First of all, “thank you” to my loyal followers who alerted me that my pack-mates have been calling me “Seagull” behind my back. Don started this insolence, and says it’s because I […]Continue Reading
May 16, 2013
Max here. I am just fine, thank you. Singing— “It’s My Birthday and I’ll Eat As Much As I Want To…” That’s right. My Birthday is on the 16th of May. I try to play it up as much as I can, but the shop first opened on that day. And Cole/Coal came to us […]Continue Reading
Apr 12, 2013
Coal here, My coat IS very soft and furry. Thank you for saying so. I am only as Dog made me, and I am glad you people enjoy rubbing it so much. Sometimes in the winter the rubbing builds up a static charge and it zaps my nose. So watch out. I wouldn’t want my […]Continue Reading
Apr 12, 2013
Auggie Here, I have just read The Fattie’s paltry, hack-job, write-up from last year’s Fisherman’s Festival. I am so angry I could bite through a rhinoceros femur bone. How long did you think I wouldn’t be able to read, LoserDog? Did you think I would let this one slide? Balderdash…. I will tell it exactly […]Continue Reading
Feb 25, 2013
Max here. I am just fine, thank you. The nights are getting longer and cooler, and I notice all the squirrels are fatter and more insolent. And the annoying thing is that I have to wake Liana and Don up in pitch blackness to get fed at 4:45am. Sometimes forcefully. Sometimes by staring balefully at […]Continue Reading
Sep 20, 2012
Both Max and Aug say it’s about time I wrote something to earn my keep, so here I am. I am Cole. You may know me as the black lab who hangs out in front of the store with the silver beard, white stripe on my chest, and sleeps in the bushes when he’s tired […]Continue Reading
Aug 26, 2012
I am Auggie and this is my first write-up. I had been trying to avoid doing this shellackery for as long as I could. But I could not allow Fatso’s (Editor’s Note– Max’s) last recrimination of me to stand. I have NOT bitten anyone. Maybe when I was a 3-month old pup, but certainly not […]Continue Reading