Jul 1, 2024

DID YOU KNOW? DO YOU EVEN CARE? – by Don

Are you upset that you will not be able to control nor coerce your children from beyond the grave? Especially if your ashes are spread over some celebrated foreign golf course you’ve never even been to?

Never fear, chubs! We’ll dissect the truth from the flab for your pliable, thin-brained children when you’re gone. And we won’t even charge you our usual brainwashing and disposal fee.

Jun 1, 2024

THE FUDGE DOG COMETH – by Marz

5:15am — 5:29am – Auggie and I can’t get into the bathroom where Liana is because the door is very strong!!! Auggie and I bang on the door with our heads for a long time!!! It’s not working!! What if Liana is dead?!?! What if Don is dead too?!!! Who would feed me and Auggie?!?! … OH MY DOG!!! WE ARE DOOMED!!!!! DOOMED!!!!!

May 1, 2024

WHAT I DID FOR THE 2024 TOTAL ECLIPSE – by Little Donny Kingsbury – Age 12

“What’s the big deal? When it’s all over, all that’s going to happen is that Auggie’s going to want breakfast again.” – Liana Kingsbury, April 8th 2024, going 110mph on I-95 north of Passadumkeag, Maine

Apr 1, 2024

DOG ADVICE FOR BIPEDS – by Auggie

Greetings, miscreants. Welcome to a little spot of sanity in this crazy, crazy world. Consider this a refuge from the harsh realities of the outside world. This is your oasis. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You didn’t really believe that, did you? You Bipeds are so stupid and cow-like! In reality, all you thousands of Biped muppets try to […]

Mar 1, 2024

MY BEST FRIEND!!! – by MARZ

HI! I’m Marz! I work at Two Salty Dogs Pet Outfitters!!!! I’m in customer service!! Customer service is a great job!! It’s the best!!! I get so many headrubs and bellyrubs!!!! Auggie taught me to hang out at the free treat bowl!!!

Feb 1, 2024

CONTEMPORARY BOOTHBAY REGION FOLKLORE FOR DUMMIES – by Don

New England has a rich history of oral traditions dating back to the Cretaceous Extinction. Most of the traditions are bogus and told by old people who have led extremely dull lives and are now suffering from fungal toenail infections. At least that’s what I’m led to believe by late night TV commercials and waiting in line at the Post Office.

Jan 1, 2024

AUGUSTUS – LAST OF THE GREATS – by Auggie

I am Augustus Megatron Bulldozer Kingsbury.

I am a 12-yr old Black Labrador Retriever from outstanding blood and hip lines. Chances are that my combined SAT score (1600+) is better than yours and your dough-faced, over-privileged children combined.

I am a dog. I have seen many spectacular things in my twelve years of life.

Dec 1, 2023

THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!! – By Marz

There’s nothing better than eating a smoked pig ear in the warm October sun!!! Maybe eating two smoked pig ears in the warm October sun!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was a funny joke!!!!!!

Nov 1, 2023

MUSTS & CAN’TS – by Don

But “the experts” also said at one time that attaching leeches to someone’s private parts would cure them of being phlegmatic. Or was it mercurial? No matter. Just thinking that leeches could cure anyone of anything should tell you that “the experts” are full of black bile and little demons scratching to get out of their skulls.

Oct 1, 2023

Bird Town – by Don

…unfortunately, my battle isn’t with interesting birds like Non-Philly Eagles, Bushtits, Masked Boobies, Dickscissels, Horned Screamers, or Titmouses. Not even a Common Shag. No. I’m battling uninteresting, small, gray birds. They’re not even song birds. They just kind of cheep-cheep and shit on everything….