The Biggest Jolly Ball EVER!! – by Marz

Sep 1, 2023

HI!!!! My name is Marz!!! Or maybe it’s Fudgie!!! Don calls me Dum-Dum!!! I don’t know!!!! Maybe I have a whole bunch of names!!!! Maybe even three names if you count Knockitoff!!!! Maybe I even have names I don’t know yet!! Having lots of names is really fun!!!

I really like balls!!! I started fetching tennis balls when I was really young!! It was so much fun!! Tennis balls are great to fetch on land and in the ocean!! But they’re only tennis balls!! They’re so small and they fit right in my mouth!! Sometimes I need more balls in my mouth!! But then I found out that you can fetch so many things in so many different ways!!! And that was fun, too!


Just when you thought you had seen every kind of fetching there was, scientists come out with a dozen brand new ways to fetch!!! I love new ways to fetch so much! You should try it!! One of the things is called a Kick-Fetch!!!! And it’s one of the BEST fetching….. things….. ever!! Scientists are SO smart!!! I wish I was one!!!

One scientist thought fetching a tennis ball could get a little boring sometimes!!!! Same old thing!!! Biped throws a tennis ball!!! Dog fetches it!!! So this scientist thought, “What if I made a fetch ball that the Biped kicked and the dog fetched?!?! That would be awesome!!!!” And so the scientist spent a whole day making the first ever Kick-Fetch!!! That was a zillion years ago!!! Before even Coal was alive!!!

When Don broke out the Kick-Fetch for the first time, I knew immediately that it was awesome!!!! It’s WAY bigger than a tennis Ball!! But it floats like a tennis ball!!! It has ridges on it so you can grab it and SHAKE IT back and forth with all your might!!! That’s THE BEST!!!! That really shows the Kick-Fetch who’s boss!!!! ME!!! I’m the boss!!! At least when I’m playing with the Kick-Fetch!!!!

Coal had a glow-in-the-dark Kick-Fetch!! Coal was so much my jam!! They don’t even MAKE glow-in-the-dark Kick-Fetches anymore!!!!! That’s how awesome Coal was!!! He was way ahead of his time!!!

Liana is the Big Boss, then there’s Don, and then Auggie, then me, then the Kick Fetch, and then all those stupid squirrels outside!!!! That’s the natural pecking order of things at Chez Salty!!!!


My Pink Jolly Ball

Don’t forget about my pink Jolly Ball!! That’s THE BEST!! But it’s too heavy for Don or Liana to throw very far!! Maybe together they could throw it, but they’re almost never together!! Except for dinner!! C’mon scientists!!! Make a fetchable Jolly Ball for a solo Biped!!!! Dogmanity is depending on you!!!

The Jolly Ball is awesome to run around and shake in your mouth!!!! It’s so heavy!! I love to grab it in my mouth and shake it back and forth as hard as I can!! Sometimes it makes my neck hurt!! I’ve tried to rip it up, but it’s pretty tough!! And heavy!! It would be awesome to hit Don in the legs with one!!!!

I always like to know where my Jolly Ball is!! I won’t get in Don’s truck without it. Auggie says he was once in love with the Jolly Ball when he had to lead the rest of the dogs around in blizzards and other life-threatening situations!! Everyone else was probably scared to take the Pink Jolly Ball from Auggie!! If you click on the video to the right, you can see Coal’s glow-in-the-dark Kick-Fetch!!! He brought it everywhere!!!!! Even to blizzards!!!

Auggie says he’s a lot more mature now!! Whatever that means!!! He probably doesn’t like The Jolly Ball because it’s pink!!!! That’s the exact kind of thing old dogs like Auggie think!!!

I don’t care that it’s pink, but I would rather have one that is chocolate and looks like me!!! I’m counting on you scientists!!!! Please make a Super-Tough Jolly Ball made out of chocolate!!! Help a dog out!!! Oh! Also make chocolate not kill me!!


Giant Sticks at the Beach

I will be honest with you!! I love tennis balls, The Kick Fetch, and The Jolly Ball!! And all that science is amazing!! But they don’t compare to all the giant sticks nature provides at the beach for free!!!!!! Haha! scientists! You can’t make Huge Pink Sticks or Fetch Sticks!!! Or Tennis Sticks!!! Nature makes them just like nature makes all the pogies jump up on the beach trying to get away from the Bluefish!! After a couple days in the sun the pogies are JUST RIGHT for me to eat and roll around in!!!!

It’s fun to get the biggest stick you can find and run all over the beach with it!!! Sometimes Auggie will fight me for it!! That’s fun

But the best is hitting Don in the knees with the sticks!!! He gets so mad!! It’s really funny!! And Don deserves it!!!! He’s very mean sometimes!!! Even meaner than Auggie most times!!! But at least Don hasn’t bitten me yet!!!! He is so grumpy all the time!!! He really needs a Jolly Ball!!!!

Don gets mad when I hit him in the knees with the stick when I run by!!! It’s really funny!!! Unless you’re Don!!! He is SO grumpy all the time!!!! He really needs a Jolly Ball!!!

The Gigantickest Jolly Ball of All Time!!

(Editor’s Note: THE GIGANTIC JOLLY BALL is a mooring ball that washed up on Horn Cove Beach after a storm)

Then one day the Great Black Dog granted me my most secret wish: THERE WAS A GIGANTIC JOLLY BALL waiting for me on the beach at Horn Cove!!!! I found it just sitting on the beach!! I was so lucky that day!!!!! There was a big storm!! When it was over, the GIGANTIC JOLLY BALL was on the beach!!! No one else wanted it except me! I wanted it MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!

It is the BEST TOY EVER!!!!! IT’S A GIGANTIC JOLLY BALL!!!! It’s as big as a million tennis balls!!! It’s not even pink!!!! You would think Don would want it for himself!!!! But he let me have it!!!!


It’s so big and heavy!!!!! It took me three days to drag it all the way up to the cabin!!! It was a long way!! I was very scared somedog or a Biped would steal it when I wasn’t looking!!!!

I had to leave it on the side of the dirt road the first night!!! The second night I had to leave it by the Lorentzen’s deck!! I thought Bailey was going to steal it on his morning walk!!!! Or Bailey or Rudder! Or even little Pippa!!! There are a LOT of dogs at Horn Cove!!!

But no one stole it!!! And on the third morning I dragged it into Chez Salty’s driveway!!! My neck was really hurting!!! It was a small price to pay for everlasting joy!!! It was finally safe!!!!

Or was it!?!?!

What if that scoundrel Bailey came into OUR driveway and STOLE it?!?! I couldn’t even sue him!!! And he was pretty big!!! There’s no way I could bite him!! Maybe Auggie could!!! But not me!!!! I’m scared to bite anydog!!

I had to think quickly!!! Every second it was out in the driveway alone was a second someone or somedog could steal it!!!!! It did the only thing I could do!! I brought it inside when the screen door was open and Liana was in the shower!!!!! It was finally safe!!!!

When Liana got out of the shower she didn’t even freak out!!! She just got her phone and took a picture to commemorate my important life event!!! It was awesome!!!! Now we could share the BEST part of my life so far!!!!!

But Don is a big old grouch!!! He made me put The Gigantic Jolly Ball outside where any dog or squirrel could steal it!!!! He lets me keep my pink Jolly Ball inside!!!! Why not the Giant Jolly Ball, Don?!?!?! He’s a big phoney, that’s why!!!!

It’s much harder to hit Don in the knees with the Giant Jolly Ball than with a beach stick!! But I’ve been practicing!!! I like to run everywhere I go!!! I can swing it back and forth like a Kick Fetch!! But the sticks are SO long it’s easy to hit Don in the shins!! The Giant Jolly Ball is only a couple feet wide!!! It’s easy for Don to get out of the way!!!!

Auggie got angry when I hit him in the face whilst running by with it!! But I never will run by Auggie with the Giant Jolly Ball again!! I don’t want to get bitten!!!!!!

Then I started seeing Giant Jolly Balls everywhere!!!! They must make them in Boothbay Harbor!! They were all over the place and in a zillion colors!! Like red and orange!!! Lots of them smelled like fish and the ocean!!! That’s where my Giant Jolly Ball came from!!!!! Maybe they reproduce in the ocean like the pogies!!!!! I don’t know!! I’m not a scientist!! I’m just a dog who likes to roll around in dead pogies on the beach!!!!

I’m thinking of dragging the kayak at Horn Cove Beach up to the cabin!! That would be awesome!!!!! Then I could really hit Don in the shins ha ha!

I’m pretty sure I can fit that kayak inside the cabin!!!!

— Marzipan Fin Tin Limb Bin Bus Stop F’tang F’tang Ole Biscuit Barrel Kingsbury.

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