Max & Aug's Dog Blog
The Yarkowling - by Teddy Spaghetti
Posted August 1, 2020
Eventually, I realized they didn't want to kill me, they're just really old and dumb. And they try to make me do dumb things. Like eat a fish oil capsule every morning - BLECCHHHH!!!!!Continue Reading
Hair of the 5 Dogs That Bit Me - by Don
Posted July 1, 2020
Thanks to those of you who sent emails laughing at my broken ankle. Evidently, Max's telling of of how I broke my ankle and my subsequent flounderings were quite a Biped laugh machine.Continue Reading
Don Sure Is Getting Old and Fat - by Max
Posted June 1, 2020
Am I a horrible dog for laughing at an old, crippled Don trying to chase down an even more old, crippled Buddy? And losing? It happened, and I laughed so hard I almost threw up my breakfast. And I never throw up breakfast.Continue Reading
A Little Kelp and My Friends - by Buddy
Posted May 1, 2020
When everybody was looking for the tennis ball on The Kitten Island I tried to get over to where all the kelp and dead crabs are. I almost got there but Liana ran down and stopped me before I could eat even one dead crab or anything good and rotten...Continue Reading
Vetting the Vets - by Auggie
Posted April 1, 2020
When I heard we were going to "The Vets" the other day, I thought I would spend the day at a local VFW, drinking cheap beer with the heroes of our nation. Nothing could have been further from the truth.Continue Reading
Everything is Stupid - by Ted
Posted March 1, 2020
I'm sorry it's been so long. Things are all messed up. I don't know how things got so messed up. I don't know where to start. I guess I should start at the end.Continue Reading
Small Head Ted - by Don
Posted February 1, 2020
We knew Teddy was the dog for us and, and more importantly our shop, when every single lb of his 100 lbs was completely terrified by a 3 lb Pomeranian that barked and chased him around the shop.Continue Reading
Driving Miss Donny Insane - by Max
Posted January 1, 2020
Don has been a big part of my life since he stole me from my cozy whelping box in Bangor. Whilst Don has taught me many valuable things and brought me to many wondrous places, we get under each otherís skin. I think itís a good relationship inasmuch as it brings out the best in both of us like a Lennon - McCartney kind of thing.Continue Reading
Pee Pee Blues - by Buddy
Posted December 1, 2019
This year they didnít forget me at the cabin to die. We moved back to Buddyís Barrel House last week. That was very nice. The Barrel House is very nice too, but when we start living there my life changes a lot. Mostly when it comes to pee-pees.Continue Reading
Odyssey - by Auggie
Posted November 1, 2019
The Armed Man combed through everything in the truck. Even Donís underwear. I growled menacingly as he neared my bag of kibble. He laughed jovially and gave me a condescending head rub. Try that again and they shall call you Johnny One-Hand, sir....Continue Reading
Pup Fiction - by Don
Posted October 1, 2019
Listen, Iíve been on vacation and therefore very negligent. I donít have a fully-developed blog for you this month. Luckily, I DO have a lot of random, humorous story fragments. Kind of like the Dead Sea Scrolls.Continue Reading
Gail's House - by Max
Posted September 1, 2019
What would you say if I told you one day a dump truck might come to your house and dump a gigantic pile of manure squarely in your yard? I swear to Dog it happened in Gailís garden. I saw it happen. Iím sure of it!Continue Reading
Painful Things - by Big Buddy
Posted August 1, 2019
Sometimes people I donít even know come to the cabin when Iím asleep. Iím not a watchdog, so I donít wake up. But sometimes when Iím asleep on the floor, the people roll this thing all over the carpet. I donít notice the thing until it gets close to my head. It vibrates and wakes me up...Continue Reading
J'Accuse - by Auggie
Posted July 1, 2019
In our morning battles, he will only fight me from the floor whilst I remain at my commanding position on the bed. The Bipeds think it is hilarious when I pull my paw back and hit him in the head with terrible force. They call it ďpunchingĒ and I oblige them frequently by pummeling The Fat One like a largish piece of dough.......Continue Reading
Insane Pownal Coyote Posse - by Don
Posted June 1, 2019
To be quite honest, Iím not sure how dogs evolved. They should be a dead branch on the evolutionary tree considering some of the things they eat - chicken bones, tacos, socks, couch stuffing, rotting things, socks, rat poison......Continue Reading
Teddy Ballgame - by Max
Posted May 1, 2019
Tater - Male Yellow Lab. Iíve never met another dog like Tater. He was the most aptly-named dog I ever met. He was a fat yellow dog and looked like a happy waddling Tater Tot with a perpetually wagging tail.Continue Reading
Man's Best Friend - by Big Buddy
Posted April 1, 2019
...and the bunnies start to chase me. Then I feel slow and the bunnies begin to nip at my heels. My legs start to get sore like they do in real life and I get very scared because the bunnies are very mean and I remember the bunny that bit me on my nose when I was trying to be his friend and I wake up from my dream. A lot of times when I wake up I am still kicking my legs because I think I am still running for my life....Continue Reading
Ask Augustus - by Auggie
Posted March 1, 2019
You disgusting milksop. Get a hold of yourself. Whenever the Bipeds leave, you need to FOCUS. You need to realize that they will be coming back, and coming back soon. Thatís why you need to forget the kidstuff things like furniture and kitchen drawers and go right for the refrigerator and the garbage.
The Family Budster - by Don
Posted February 1, 2019
I figured since I wrote pieces about getting Max, Auggie, and Coal that I was obligated to write one about getting Buddy. So letís do this whether we want to or not.Continue Reading
Chess King on the Hot Dog Boat - by Max
Posted January 1, 2019
The biggest pain in the butt I have ever been was my refusal to cross the little gap between the wharf and the gangway to the boat at Newagen Landing. The gap is about two inches wide, but every time theyíd bring me to the wharf, I would act like that gap was The Gap of Certain Death. I would whimper and whine and carry on like a whelp. I stretched the whole chess match out for an entire summer.Continue Reading
Abandoned - by Big Buddy
Posted December 1, 2018
I got very scared in November because I was abandoned by Don and Liana. I get left alone a lot but this time I was abandoned at the cabin. It was very, very sad and I am still very sad and scared. I donít know why they were mad at me. They could have just asked me to go away forever and I would leave. I have lots of friends...........Continue Reading
SEALs at the Gates of Don - by Auggie
Posted November 1, 2018
Buddy shakes his head repeatedly, causing his tags to JANGLE JANGLE JANGLE like when the FBI psych operation at Waco played ďMuskrat LoveĒ over and over until the Davidians decided to light their compound on fire rather than listen to that awful sound one more time. Don is bound to get up. Hopefully not to light the cabin on fire.Continue Reading
Let Loose the Dogs of War - by Don
Posted October 1, 2018
These days, the war is a grinding attrition of wills akin to WWI trench warfare - thereís lots of hate and gassings, and neither of us is going to move much. Max takes his time. On his way to the car he sniffs this bush.... nips that blade of grass... Looks stalwartly behind him every 10 seconds as if to say ďWas that a threatening sound?Ē It can take over 25 minutes to get Max the twenty-five feet to the car without any prompting. Itís as maddening as 1ft/minute sounds.Continue Reading
Bad Days to Be a Black Hot Dog - by Max
Posted September 1, 2018
Sure, in the summer there are a lot more blueberries to scrounge and people to spear in the crotch with my giant head. But I'm a winter dog and I like my walks to be cold, endless, and full of people on snowmobiles who pull over to say hi, give me beef jerky, and let me spear them in the crotch with my giant head. The puffy snowmobile suits really make it easy on the old snout.Continue Reading
Two Poops Galoot - by Buddy
Posted August 1, 2018
The older I get, the harder it is to poop in the time Don gives me. When I was younger, I could poop in minutes. Now, I try and try to poop but it takes forever. And lately one poop just doesnít cut it. I guess when you get older you appreciate the smaller things in life like hanging your head out the car window and easy pooping.Continue Reading
The Mongrel Scour 2018 - by Auggie
Posted July , 2018
Buddy came in third in this competition. Not because heís a whip-smart, well-oiled machine, but because he is an old, tired dog and all he wants to do is sit down. Heís so dumb Iím not even sure he knew he was in a competition. I, on the other hand, am a thinking dog. That puts me at a disadvantage, and as such, have never advanced beyond the most basic rounds. It would be like Albert Einstein competing in a hayseed radio sports quiz show for tickets to a local tractor pull.
Love Letters to the Edge - by Don
Posted June 1, 2018
It can be incredibly hard to drill your point into the thick local skulls when you have suffered so much. You also need to get the common rabble on your side whilst enthralling the landed gentry back home with your knowledge of intricate native customs. Follow our letter-writing examples below and you'll have our little region firing on all cylinders as quickly as Paul Coulombe buys up property.Continue Reading
The Peculiar Rules of People - by Max
Posted May 1, 2018
Itís no secret that Bipeds are skimpy with food. We only get a measly cup of food in the morning and one in the evening. But did you know that theyíre skimpy with everything? Trust me. If you are a dog and you had seen what Iíve seen in The Forbidden Shed, you would revolt immediately because you should revolt.Continue Reading
Buddy On The Move - by Big Buddy
Posted April 1, 2018
Have you ever tried putting your head out the car window? Itís the best when the car is moving. I like to hang my head out the car window. When I hang my head out the car window, it feels like Iím running really fast! Faster than Iíve ever run in my life. I know that isnít very fast, but thatís why itís so addicting.Continue Reading
Separation Angst - by Auggie
Posted March 1, 2018
If those Donkeys still don't come home, Iíll begin the methodical destruction of the kitchen. Believe me, Kitchen-Destruction can be a beautiful work of art. It cannot be done by dogs that are sloppy, frantic, or pedantic. It MUST be done by a dog with an artistic composure. Let me share my process with you.Continue Reading
Salty to the Bone - Auggie - The Salad Days - by Don
Posted February 1, 2018
Instead of gasbagging another story about how Puppy Max humiliated me, I thought Iíd switch it up with a last-minute hacked-together e-pulp about Auggie. Of course Iíll include enough tender moments so you wonít call Animal Services on me. And please refrain from being one of the dozens of miscreants who send me emails full of unfocused abuse, terrible grammar, and egregious misspellings. I thank you in advance.Continue Reading
Christmas Presence - by Max
Posted January 1, 2018
In normal packs, a Biped like Don should chew the wrapping off the presents. But Don is so moody that Liana probably canít trust him to do a decent job like me. And Don would probably try to swallow any whiskey he got as a gift and weíd end up having to rush him to the vets to have his stomach pumped.Continue Reading
How to Get Don Up for Breakfast - By Big Buddy
Posted December 1, 2017
Speaking of food, Don usually does a pretty good job feeding us. But some days he spends too long in bed. He will even stay in bed when the sun is out. And us dogs will be starving. Really starving! And some days Don will stay in bed for over an hour after the sun is up. And thatís when Don needs a little help getting out of bed and filling the dog bowls.Continue Reading
A Spike in Kamikaze Attacks - by Auggie
Posted November 1, 2017
On the days the Bread Eaters incarcerate me I donít even know what my crime is. Stealing Big Dumb Buddyís dog bone? Nipping Max in his fat snout for encroaching on my food bowl? Peeing in the hallway? Stealing a pig ear? Growling at the tail-up princess who challenged me in MY OWN shop? I donít know, and I canít tell. But I canít believe that the Up-Righters just wake up and decide to punish me randomly. They are savage, but they are not random in their savagery....Continue Reading
Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume III - by Don
Posted October 1, 2017
So here we are again, you and me. Me- ready to divulge the innermost and most intimate details of my relationship with Max for your amusement, and You- ready to glance through this blog for any remotely funny snippets to ease the day-to-day brutal grind of your recurring Kafkaesque torment.
We're glad you're here.Continue Reading
Land of the Free and Home of the Dog - by Max
Posted September 1, 2017
I know Don and Liana give me freedoms that wouldn't befit other dogs. I am very grateful to them (Editors Note: Don & Liana, not the other dogs). They give me those freedoms because I go out of my way not to challenge Don and Liana on a whole range of issues.
I don't challenge them by committing common-dog crimes like getting into the garbage, taking up all the bed, barking at insignificant events, digging in the garden, or...Continue Reading
Big Dumb People - By Big Buddy Dog
Posted August 1, 2017
The Crazy Lady was talking to Don about food. The woman kept saying Don should switch my food. She said a lot of things I've never heard before and said that Don should feed me them. Don kept saying nicely that he switched my food and that I was itching because of the pollen. Don was getting frustrated because the Crazy Lady wasn't listening to him. I know that because he started speaking to her very slowly.....Continue Reading
Poop Rules - by Auggie
Posted July 1, 2017
I know all you reprobates are expecting Big Dumb Buddy's blog this month. I had to pre-empt his impaired little ditty to bring you this. It's a critical point of order we need to discuss. And when I say "discuss," I mean that I need you all to shut up, listen to me carefully, and do whatever I tell you immediately and without question....Continue Reading
Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume II - by Don
Posted June 1, 2017
When I left you last, Max was eight weeks old and had emerged from his Stone & Steel Stove Fortress to shred a little toy named Blue Bear. We realized that Max would tolerate us as food, shelter, warmth, treat, and shreddable-toy providers. Nothing else. We were ecstatic.......Continue Reading
From-Away Rube to a Boothbay Region Ruby - by Auggie
Posted May 1, 2017
It is befitting that May's blog should fall to me. In the past I have given all you thronging tourist rabble helpful public service announcements on such topics as: How to Blend Into Boothbay Without Looking Like a Total Rube, Questions Not to Ask at Our Shop Unless You Want to Look Like a Total Rube, and Embarrassing Things That Total Rubes Leave Behind When Visiting Us at Our Fortified Southport Bunker (Editor's Note: It's just a cottage).....Continue Reading
The Greatest Day -- by Max
Posted April 1, 2017
The Greatest Day started like any other - pestering Don to wake up at 4:30AM to feed us, breakfast and walkies, then back to the shop for treats and cajoling customers into giving us buttrubs and more treats. The store was really busy in the morning and it was snowing a little. But towards afternoon, it started snowing really hard and nobody came in. .....Continue Reading
Happy Things & Sad Things - By Buddy
Posted March 6, 2017
I don't even know where to start writing. Should I mix up all the things so all the sad things aren't together and make you really sad? Or maybe I should keep the sad things together because all the happy things will be together and that would make you really happy.....Continue Reading
Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume I - by Don
Posted February 1, 2016
Did you know that some of the names we considered for Max were: Gary, Bulge, Dozer, Bums, Chumlee, Pudgebot? No? That's because we were only seriously considering the non-stupid names. We're not totally deranged. But we got a solid laugh out of it, and I......Continue Reading
2016 Sucked -- by Auggie
Posted December 31, 2016
Yes. I posted this a day earlier than the other blogs. Don't test my leftover manufactured holiday cheer. I'm warning you.Continue Reading
Daylight Enslaving Time -- by Max
Posted December 1, 2016
Now, I'm not a dog who complains all the time, but it happened again this year. Sometime in early November Don stopped feeding us at the proper time. We three good dogs would get up at the regular breakfast time and wait patiently for breakfast. And wait. And when we could wait no more, we would....Continue Reading
Beastie Creatures -- By Buddy
Posted November 1, 2016
I'm glad it's my turn to write because since this summer something very strange has been happening around the shop. There are these little Beastie Creatures hanging around! I try to talk to them, but they just keep.....Continue Reading
9 Questions Not to Ask Don or Dog - by Auggie
Posted October 1, 2016
Hello all you thronging rabble. It is I, your Beloved and Benevolent Canine Overlord ~ Augustus Megatron Bulldozer. Please be seated.
The rumors are true. I have in my possession the best toy in the world. I dare say even better than pink piggy. It is like pink piggy in every aspect except that it resembles something called an "Underdog......"Continue Reading
How To Get More Food If You Love Food - By Max
Posted September 1, 2016
Max here. I am just fine, thank you!
As many of you know, I love food. Lots of food. Many kinds of food. In fact, if you have some food right now, there is a 99% chance that I would eat it. The only foods I won't eat are celery because the strings stick in my teeth and.... Hmmmmm..... and...... Well.....Continue Reading
Coal - by Don
Posted August 1, 2016
Hi there. It's Don. And I'm not a dog.
I didn't think it was appropriate for another dog to write about this. And given how much I loved Coal, I didn't think it was appropriate to skip or gloss over it. We lost Coal on July 19th. He was almost 13......Continue Reading
Hardly Working Dogs - By Buddy
Posted July 1, 2016
Hi there! It's Big Smart Buddy Dog! Writin' the Blog! And I'm rhyming like a... like a... Dog.
I'm not good at rhyming.Continue Reading
17 Messes in May - by Coal
Posted June 1, 2016
(Editors note: It is NOT RECOMMENDED you read this blog if you are queasy in general, and eating in specific. We are serious. You were warned).
Hi there! It's handsome Coal Dog and it's my turn at the blog. I hope I don't let you all down!
We moved back to the Southport cabin and I threw up my first four meals....Continue Reading
Supreme Fetch Dog Throughout All The Land - By Auggie
Posted May 1, 2016
I AM AUGUSTUS MEGATRON BULLDOZER. First of all Canines in Rome and otherwise. Get used to it.
I WILL ADMIT THAT BEING SUPERIOR to all dogs and humans has left me a bit lonely. Not lonely in the fuzzy, plebeian, common-rabble way like sharing a dog bed with old chums, but rather.....Continue Reading
Buddy Power! - By Buddy
Posted April 1, 2016
Hi there! It's me, Big Smart Buddy Dog!
I want to tell you about something that was really scary. Don and Liana didn't love me anymore. It was pretty scary! Don is usually my best buddy! And I am his dog named Buddy. I thought we had Buddy Power. But Buddy Power! failed that day.
On the morning of the Terrible Day, all the other dogs got breakfast and all I got was water...Continue Reading
Always a Head-Rub for a Good Dog - By Max
Posted March 1, 2016
Max here. I am just fine, thank you!
I'd like to talk to you for a second about someone who meant a lot to me. I can't remember when he wasn't a part of my life. He was Whit Smith and he was my friend.
Whit's gone now. I was by his side when when he passed.Continue Reading
Pucker Up Dead-Noses - by Auggie
Posted February 1, 2016
I am Augustus, ruler of all things Canine. You're welcome.
Now, before I get into my obligatory contribution for this paltry newsletter, I must make one thing absolutely, perfectly, crystal clear. I did not have relations with that wiener dog..........Continue Reading
Fat Dog Food No More - by Coal
Posted January 1, 2016
Hi there it's Handsome Coal Dog. I hope you are well.
We had a GREAT Christmas at Chez Salty! I got a new Kick Fetch! And make sure you're holding on to something solid when I tell you this next thing: IT GLOWS IN THE DARK! Now I can play fetch at all hours! It was one of the happiest moments of my life other than when I was whelped.....Continue Reading
Keys to the Kitchen of my Heart - by Buddy
Posted December 1, 2015
Hi everyone! It's me - Big Smart Buddy!
We had such a great Thanksgiving. Dons Mom came to stay and there were such great smells coming from the kitchen I could hardly believe it! It was everything I could do to not hop up on the hot stove and eat all the...Continue Reading
Rotten Apples but Good Boys -- By Max
Posted November 1, 2015
Max here. I am just fine, thank you!
What a great fall we had here in Boothbay Harbor! There were so many blueberries and raspberries and blackberries! And now all the apples are becoming rotten. Even Don will grab a few ripe ones off the tree as we hike Boothbay Region Land Trusts...Continue Reading
Fashion Shows and Mashed Potatoes -- By Auggie
Posted October 1, 2015
I am Emperor Augustus, your Canine Lord and Master. I can be benevolent or malevolent. Your attitude towards me will determine what attitude you shall receive from me.
Thanks a lot, Deadnoses. One of you ratted me out and ruined my dreams and ambitions of taking over this rotten pack in a single email. Please leave me YOUR bosses and wives email addresses and allow me to.....Continue Reading
The Acorn and the Anvil -- by Coal
Posted September 4, 2015
Thank you for calling me Handsome Coal Dog. I have been working on ways to become more handsome for all the nice people. There is this lovely pile of rotten seaweed in Southport I've been trying to work into my back and belly areas. And I just love the chance to work that warm, moisturizing, stinky swamp mudpack into every single pore of my body. I hope you all appreciate it........Continue Reading
Buddy the Extraordinary Gentledog -- By Buddy
Posted August 18, 2015
Don calls me "Big Dumb Buddy" because he says I'm big, I'm dumb, and my name is Buddy. Sometimes he'll sing a song to me:
He's a Big Dumb Buddy Dog,
He's our big dumb dog.
Scraps, Scrubs, Berries & Buddies -- By Max
Posted August 1, 2015
Max Here! I am just fine. Thank You!
For those of you who expected Buddy to be writing this blog because it was his turn, he's asked me to tell you that he is completely exhausted from winning the Doggie Musical Chairs at the Mutt Scrub.....Continue Reading
Blitzkrieg Birthday Manifesto -- By Auggie
Posted July 1, 2015
I am Augustus Megatron Bulldozer. If you do exactly as I say, EXACTLY...... you may stand a chance of leaving Boothbay Harbor alive this summer.
As so many of you know, my birthday is on July 5th. I will be turning four in dog years, but in human years I'll be turning 28 - old enough to run for office in this provincial way-station of Maine. I try to be positive, but what can you do....Continue Reading
The Breakfasts and The Dogmanity -- By Coal
Posted June 1, 2015
We're used to a lot of craziness around Chez Salty. But you will need to suspend disbelief when I tell you what befell us 4 Good Dogs on the weekend of May 2nd.
The day started out normally enough. A great day of treats and belly rubs for us boys at the shop while I sat in the car the entire day. When the shop was finally closed, Don loaded us all into the car and headed back to....Continue Reading
High-Fivin' The Night Away -- by Buddy.
Posted May 1, 2015
My name is Buddy and this is my first time writing on the Blog. Or anything for that matter. I hope I don't let you all down!
All the other dogs have been asking me to write. I think they don't want to write as much. Except for Auggie. He writes a lot. And I didn't want to write until I felt like I was truly a member of Chez Salty. I am happy toContinue Reading
Fare Thee Well, Winter -- by Max
Posted April 1, 2015
Max here! I am just fine, thank you!
Did you vote for us as the best Maine Pet Store? No? DO IT NOW! Do it NOW!!!!!!!!!!! Don always jokes that if we don't win he'll have to give one of us dogs up to medical testing just to make ends meet.......Continue Reading
Wonder Not, Gentle Suburbanite -- By Auggie
Posted March 1, 2015
My Name is Augustus. My friends may call me "Auggie" or "Aug Dog." Only my most intimate acquaintances may call me "Auggie Doggie." You most certainly may NOT call me "Hoggie" or "Hog Dog." And "Hawggie Dawggie" is out of the question. There will be grave consequences should you cross that line. You know who you are, and you should tremble with fear until....Continue Reading
The BIG One -- by Max
Posted February 1, 2015
Hi There! I'm Max. I'm just fine, thank you!
I finally got time at the computer because Don is out bringing in the rest of the wood pile before the BIG STORM tomorrow buries it all until next June. He wasn't happy about having to do it either, that salty old cuss! It's good for him though. Like when I get my ears cleaned. I HATE that! But afterwards...."Continue Reading
Coal in Your Stocking - By Coal
Posted on January 1, 2015
Hi there, I'm Coal the fuzzy 11-year old lab at the store. My muzzle is getting pretty gray. Thank you for not reminding me of that. I still feel 2 years old.
A lot of you have been coming into the shop to say hello to me and I am nowhere to be found. But don't worry! I'm just out in the car. I like to spend long hours in the car around.....Continue Reading
Auggie's Reign Deer of Terror
Posted on December 14,2014
I am Augustus. You should address me as such. See that you do in future, and your past transgressions shall be forgotten.
My intention was to write a heartwarming account of the "True Meaning of Christmas" using the adopt-o-dogs Buddy and Coal as my pity-vehicles because the Christmas topic has never......Continue Reading
Three Men Night -- by Max
Posted on November 27, 2014
Hi There! I'm Max. I'm just fine, Thank You!
It's only November, but we're having our second blizzard! And boy oh boy has it been a great day! Not only did we get morning walkies, but when the snow started to pile up this afternoon, Don took all...Continue Reading
The Buddy of My Buddy is Coal's Friend -- By Coal
Posted on November 1, 2014
Hi there, I'm Coal the fuzzy black lab at the shop who likes food, long walks on the beach, pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. I'm not into yoga, and yes, I have half a brain. And for those of you who got that song reference without web-help - congratulations!
Lately things have been getting slower at the shop. So those of you who came in this summer to rub...Continue Reading
Break Away From Being "From Away" Volume I -- By Auggie
Posted on October 16, 2014
My first name is Augustus. My middle name is Megatron. My Surname is Bulldozer. I am Auggie. You must yield to me. I will protect you.
Now, I'm a practical dog. I like my treats hearty, my walks long, and my breath stinky at all times. I have no time for pretension. And I must say that I love this time of year when things have slowed down...Continue Reading
Jeepers Creepers-- Leaf Peepers! -- By Max
Posted On October 1, 2014
Max Here. I am just fine, Thank You!
And a big "Thank You!" to those of you who are reading this through the link on our new newsletter! Talk about bragging rights! You are my best buddies in the whole world! If I could come out of this computer to rub your head and say "Good Bi-Ped! Good Boy! Let's go on Walkies!" I would.....Continue Reading
Fall Down, Clean-Up -- By Auggie
Posted on September 9, 2014
I am Augustus Megatron Bulldozer. You may know me as "Auggie" or "Aug Dog." I am the anchor for this whole train wreck of a store. Thank you for supporting my reform efforts.
As you may know, the coast of Maine is much more relaxed now that all you tourists are safely....Continue Reading
Berry Friendly - By Max
Posted on August 22, 2014
I am Max and I am just fine, thank you! And thanks for all the belly-rubs this summer!
I just wanted to let all you bipeds know that the blackberries at Ocean Point Preserve are ripe. Not at the actual Ocean Point, but at the Boothbay Region Land Trust's Ocean Point Preserve! Auggie, Coal....Continue Reading
Coal's Birthday 2014 - By Coal
Posted on August 7, 2014
Hi there. I'm Coal. I'm the big fuzzy Lab you'll see asleep in front of the register. Don says I fall asleep there so I can get my fair share of attention. I just fall asleep there because I get a good view of the free treat bowl. If one of those things should accidentally fall to the ground, I will be on it like.... like... like... something really quick on something really....Continue Reading
Boothbay Harbor Mutt Scrub 2014
Posted on July 23, 2014
I am Augustus Megatron Bulldozer. Most of you respectfully call me Auggie, Aug, or Aug Dog. Don calls me Hog Dog or Seagull (Editor's Note: Because if he had wings he'd fly to all the restaurants and fight the seagulls for the french fries in the parking lot). He shan't have that sense of humor for long. I shall see to that. I have already enacted a clever plan to hide or destroy all his......Continue Reading
Max's Birthday / New Website! - By Max
Posted on June 21, 2014
Max Here. I am just fine, thank you!
In case you missed it, my 7th birthday on May 16th was just fine. I got a squirrel-covered cake like I asked for (Editor's Note: They were squirrels made of yogurt frosting, not the real squirrels he was.....Continue Reading
Max Loves Food -- By Max
Posted on June 18, 2012
Max here. Auggie and Cole are fighting over a stuffed penguin covered in dog drool. Itís a normal night here in Southport.
Those of you who know me know that I love food. I mean I reeeeeeaaaaally love food. And yes, I know....
Deb's Used Tennis Balls - By Auggie
Posted on August 26, 2012
I am Auggie and this is my first write-up. I had been trying to avoid doing this shellackery for as long as I could. But I could not allow Fatsoís (Editorís NoteĖ Maxís) last recrimination of me to stand. I have NOT bitten anyone. Maybe when I was a 3-month old pup, but certainly not after then. I have bitten FATSO plenty of times, but only as a defensive maneuver, and absolutely not intended to harm him. But....Continue Reading
I am Coal. Hear Me Bark! - By Coal
Posted on September 20, 2012
Both Max and Aug say itís about time I wrote something to earn my keep, so here I am. I am Cole. You may know me as the black lab who hangs out in front of the store with the silver beard, white stripe on my chest, and sleeps in the bushes when heís tired of being poked and prodded. Iím new to this pack, so Iím going to change my name to Coal. My 9th birthday is on August 15th. I hope....Continue Reading
Walk for the Animals 2013 - By Max
Posted on February 25, 2013
Max here. I am just fine, thank you. The nights are getting longer and cooler, and I notice all the squirrels are fatter and more insolent. And the annoying thing is that I have to wake Liana and Don up in pitch blackness to get fed at 4:45am. Sometimes forcefully. Sometimes by staring balefully at their faces with my snout Ĺ inch from their face until my dank exhale cakes their eyes with gunk......Continue Reading
Boothbay Region Land Trust Trails - By Coal
Posted on April 12, 2013
Coal here, My coat IS very soft and furry. Thank you for saying so. I am only as Dog made me, and I am glad you people enjoy rubbing it so much. Sometimes in the winter the rubbing builds up a static charge and it zaps my nose. So watch out. I wouldnít want my nose to zap you because of my furry coat....Continue Reading
Fisherman's Festival 2013 - Auggie
Posted on April 12, 2013
Auggie Here, I have just read The Fattieís paltry, hack-job, write-up from last yearís Fishermanís Festival. I am so angry I could bite through a rhinoceros femur bone.
How long did you think I wouldnít be able to read, LoserDog? Did you think I would let this one slide? BalderdashÖ. I will tell it exactly how last yearís Fishermanís Festival happened.....
Max's Birthday 2013 - By Max
Posted on May 16, 2013
Max here. I am just fine, thank you. Singingó ďItís My Birthday and Iíll Eat As Much As I Want ToÖĒ
Thatís right. My Birthday is on the 16th of May. I try to play it up as much as I can, but the shop first opened on that day. And Cole/Coal came to us on that day. So sometimes my special day gets....
Boothbay Harbor Mutt Scrub 2013 - By Auggie
Posted on July 20, 2013
I am Aug. This is my dog blog. Yes. I like the ring to thatÖ. Augís Dog Blog. Well, what do you know?
First of all, ďthank youĒ to my loyal followers who alerted me that my pack-mates have been calling me ďSeagullĒ behind my back. Don started this insolence, and says itís because I go after dropped treats in...
HarborFest 2013 - By Max
Posted on September 9, 2013
Max here. I am just fine, thank you.
Just a quick update on the Mutt ScrubĖ We raised over $1,000 for the Lincoln County Animal Shelter and BARKK! Everyone did such a great job! And Coal won the the dog version of musical chairs.....
Coalís Zombie Class 2013 - By Coal
Posted on October 8, 2013
Hi there. Iím Coal, the 10-year old black lab at Two Salty Dogs. Don calls me ďThe Geezer.Ē Iím the black lab at the shop who loves swimming, playing fetch, peanut butter treats, and affection. In fact, I like just about everything, everyone, and every dog Iíve ever met. The only thing I cannot stand is zombies. Filthy, stinking, rotten, brain-eating zombies! DOGÖÖI hate them SO much!!!!!!!!!!!Continue Reading
It's Not a K9 Crooked House, It's a K9 Crooked Home - By Max & Auggie
Posted on May 22, 2012
Max: I guess they call these K-9 Crooked Houses a ďdog house.Ē
Aug: I thought a dog house was where my toys, rope, and dog bones were.
Max: Nope. That's what you call a ďHuman HouseĒ or ďProperty.Ē But you can put all of your favorite things into a dog house.
Aug: ROWF!!!! I thought Property was MY house. What's a dog house?
Posted June 23, 2020Continue Reading
Max & Aug's Posts
- The Yarkowling - by Teddy Spaghetti
- Hair of the 5 Dogs That Bit Me - by Don
- Don Sure Is Getting Old and Fat - by Max
- A Little Kelp and My Friends - by Buddy
- Vetting the Vets - by Auggie
- Everything is Stupid - by Ted
- Small Head Ted - by Don
- Driving Miss Donny Insane - by Max
- Pee Pee Blues - by Buddy
- Odyssey - by Auggie
- Pup Fiction - by Don
- Gail's House - by Max
- Painful Things - by Big Buddy
- J'Accuse - by Auggie
- Insane Pownal Coyote Posse - by Don
- Teddy Ballgame - by Max
- Man's Best Friend - by Big Buddy
- Ask Augustus - by Auggie
- The Family Budster - by Don
- Chess King on the Hot Dog Boat - by Max
- Abandoned - by Big Buddy
- SEALs at the Gates of Don - by Auggie
- Let Loose the Dogs of War - by Don
- Bad Days to Be a Black Hot Dog - by Max
- Two Poops Galoot - by Buddy
- The Mongrel Scour 2018 - by Auggie
- Love Letters to the Edge - by Don
- The Peculiar Rules of People - by Max
- Buddy On The Move - by Big Buddy
- Separation Angst - by Auggie
- Salty to the Bone - Auggie - The Salad Days - by Don
- Christmas Presence - by Max
- How to Get Don Up for Breakfast - By Big Buddy
- A Spike in Kamikaze Attacks - by Auggie
- Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume III - by Don
- Land of the Free and Home of the Dog - by Max
- Big Dumb People - By Big Buddy Dog
- Poop Rules - by Auggie
- Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume II - by Don
- From-Away Rube to a Boothbay Region Ruby - by Auggie
- The Greatest Day -- by Max
- Happy Things & Sad Things - By Buddy
- Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume I - by Don
- 2016 Sucked -- by Auggie
- Daylight Enslaving Time -- by Max
- Beastie Creatures -- By Buddy
- 9 Questions Not to Ask Don or Dog - by Auggie
- How To Get More Food If You Love Food - By Max
- Coal - by Don
- Hardly Working Dogs - By Buddy
- 17 Messes in May - by Coal
- Supreme Fetch Dog Throughout All The Land - By Auggie
- Buddy Power! - By Buddy
- Always a Head-Rub for a Good Dog - By Max
- Pucker Up Dead-Noses - by Auggie
- Fat Dog Food No More - by Coal
- Keys to the Kitchen of my Heart - by Buddy
- Rotten Apples but Good Boys -- By Max
- Fashion Shows and Mashed Potatoes -- By Auggie
- The Acorn and the Anvil -- by Coal
- Buddy the Extraordinary Gentledog -- By Buddy
- Scraps, Scrubs, Berries & Buddies -- By Max
- Blitzkrieg Birthday Manifesto -- By Auggie
- The Breakfasts and The Dogmanity -- By Coal
- High-Fivin' The Night Away -- by Buddy.
- Fare Thee Well, Winter -- by Max
- Wonder Not, Gentle Suburbanite -- By Auggie
- The BIG One -- by Max
- Coal in Your Stocking - By Coal
- Auggie's Reign Deer of Terror
- Three Men Night -- by Max
- The Buddy of My Buddy is Coal's Friend -- By Coal
- Break Away From Being "From Away" Volume I -- By Auggie
- Jeepers Creepers-- Leaf Peepers! -- By Max
- Fall Down, Clean-Up -- By Auggie
- Berry Friendly - By Max
- Coal's Birthday 2014 - By Coal
- Boothbay Harbor Mutt Scrub 2014
- Max's Birthday / New Website! - By Max
- Max Loves Food -- By Max
- Deb's Used Tennis Balls - By Auggie
- I am Coal. Hear Me Bark! - By Coal
- Walk for the Animals 2013 - By Max
- Boothbay Region Land Trust Trails - By Coal
- Fisherman's Festival 2013 - Auggie
- Max's Birthday 2013 - By Max
- Boothbay Harbor Mutt Scrub 2013 - By Auggie
- HarborFest 2013 - By Max
- Coalís Zombie Class 2013 - By Coal
- It's Not a K9 Crooked House, It's a K9 Crooked Home - By Max & Auggie
- Strange Letters