don, Author at The Harbor Dogs' Stories

Apr 1, 2025

THE SCIENCE OF ARTHROPODS, METEOROLOGISTS, ALCOHOL, EGGS, ASTHMA, NO ASTHMA, GUTs, AND HOW GREAT YOU ARE – by DON

“RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! THERE’S NOTHING GOD, NATURE, OR MAN CAN DO TO STOP THE TICKS AND BROWNTAIL MOTHS FROM SUCKING OUR CHILDREN DRY AND RAPING OUR WIVES!!!! Now here’s an important announcement from Fred’s Clam Shack in Bucksfield.”

Jan 1, 2025

BLUEBERRY FIELDS FOREVER – by Don

We Mainers ignored the bland gravy to our peril. We ignored the other warnings until it was too late. When we finally came up for air, there was a vast influx of smug, self-important, litigious, late-middle aged, suburban transplants in control of our breakfast restaurants. And they did not deign to have their senses affronted by something as plebeian as spicy sausage gravy or hot sauce that was actually hot.

Oct 1, 2024

MY BEEF WITH TEENS – by Don

Look, I proudly say I was fired from more jobs than I’ve quit. There was even the time I was fired, re-hired, and fired by the same company on the very same day. Also, I’ve fired, re-hired, and fired Reagan in the same day a bunch of times…

Jul 1, 2024

DID YOU KNOW? DO YOU EVEN CARE? – by Don

Are you upset that you will not be able to control nor coerce your children from beyond the grave? Especially if your ashes are spread over some celebrated foreign golf course you’ve never even been to?

Never fear, chubs! We’ll dissect the truth from the flab for your pliable, thin-brained children when you’re gone. And we won’t even charge you our usual brainwashing and disposal fee.

May 1, 2024

WHAT I DID FOR THE 2024 TOTAL ECLIPSE – by Little Donny Kingsbury – Age 12

“What’s the big deal? When it’s all over, all that’s going to happen is that Auggie’s going to want breakfast again.” – Liana Kingsbury, April 8th 2024, going 110mph on I-95 north of Passadumkeag, Maine

Feb 1, 2024

CONTEMPORARY BOOTHBAY REGION FOLKLORE FOR DUMMIES – by Don

New England has a rich history of oral traditions dating back to the Cretaceous Extinction. Most of the traditions are bogus and told by old people who have led extremely dull lives and are now suffering from fungal toenail infections. At least that’s what I’m led to believe by late night TV commercials and waiting in line at the Post Office.

Nov 1, 2023

MUSTS & CAN’TS – by Don

But “the experts” also said at one time that attaching leeches to someone’s private parts would cure them of being phlegmatic. Or was it mercurial? No matter. Just thinking that leeches could cure anyone of anything should tell you that “the experts” are full of black bile and little demons scratching to get out of their skulls.

Oct 1, 2023

Bird Town – by Don

…unfortunately, my battle isn’t with interesting birds like Non-Philly Eagles, Bushtits, Masked Boobies, Dickscissels, Horned Screamers, or Titmouses. Not even a Common Shag. No. I’m battling uninteresting, small, gray birds. They’re not even song birds. They just kind of cheep-cheep and shit on everything….

Aug 1, 2023

RETAILERS ANONYMOUS – by Don

“Hi. My name is Don and I’ve been in retail for 12 years.” “Hi Don!” “I’ve owned a pet supply store and been exposed to the general public after having a cush, well-compensated engineering job rehabilitating earth dams on the west coast. At that time, I had a wife who loved me and the respect […]

Apr 1, 2023

GOODNIGHT TEDDY SPAGHETTI – by Don

We lost Buddy in 2021, Max in 2022, and now Teddy in 2023. I’m truly sorry to dump another one of these “Dead Dog Stories” on you. Believe me, there’s nothing less I’d rather be doing. But I can’t let Teddy down. I loved him like I loved all my dogs. Maybe it’s the engineer […]