Nov 1, 2021
Don has taken a lot of flak since he started writing the segment “We Love Hate Mail!” He has been banned from the Pen Bay Pilot newspaper from running ads, had numerous interactions on “Social Media” with people who think he hates tourists, and people have sent emails calling him a hypocritical clod for making his living off tourists and disparaging them at the same time. Of course, Don IS a clod who is too weak to deal with these imbeciles, but he is not a hypocrite.
We get a lot of whackjobs in Two Salty Dogs Pet Outfitters. I especially hate the whackjobs who try to rub my fur with grubby, little hands– sticky with ancient, disease-encrusted ice cream. Unfortunately, there is no statute on the books whereby I could legally prosecute them.
Whackjobs in the shop have accused Don of animal abuse because he doesn’t feed us a raw diet. Other Whackjobs have said Buddy was being abused because of his bad allergic reaction to pine pollen. And then there was the guy who said we should remove all the Kong toys because he didn’t know his dog swallowed one whole and died. RIP Kong Toy Dog. I’m sorry your Biped didn’t make sure you were OK with your new toy.
Then there was the complete lunatic whose “Service Dog” just barked at a sleeping Buddy for 15 minutes. The “Service Dog” then squeezed out two poops and a pee before his owner scuttled her out of the shop without offering to clean up the excrement or buy anything. I’m sure Don regrets letting that Monster and her little “Service Monster” back out into Boothbay Harbor proper. But he isn’t allowed to lawfully detain them and inject them full of drugs unless you vote for Proposition 761 this November.
Let us explore Whackjobdom then, shall we?
So the next time you Biped Muppets out there want to shed a tear for the innocent, can we agree that that group does NOT include Whackjobs?
Augustus M.B. Kingsbury