Fare Thee Well, Winter — by Max

Apr 1, 2015

Max here! I am just fine, thank you!

Did you vote for us as the best Maine Pet Store? No? DO IT NOW! Do it NOW!!!!!!!!!!! Don always jokes that if we don’t win he’ll have to give one of us dogs up to medical testing just to make ends meet. But I’m not sure he’s joking now that Auggie got into the garbage 3 times last week. Please don’t give Don the excuse to pack Auggie off to medical research. Help us WIN! And keep Auggie. He may be a little bossy and irritating but he’s my cousin and he’s a good pup at heart.

And while you’re at it, why not vote for The Coastal Dog as best Daycare/Boarding Center and The Flagship Inn as best pet-friendly lodging? WE certainly think they’re the best!

Anyway, I just thought I’d write to alert you that winter will be ending soon. Such a sad time. Dirty slush and mud and little nasty, vicious, bloodsucking insects will soon be here. Also BIG nasty, vicious, bloodsucking insects like horseflies and ticks. But none of you Uprighters seem to care about that. All you care about is getting rid of all this beautiful, beautiful snow. And it makes me sad to think that so few of you Hominids will swim with small icebergs. It makes me question my entire existence when I think of a higher power that would allow creatures with thumbs to create thousands of “Real Housewives” manifestations and not a decent double fur coat.

I guess swimming and romps through the woodlands will be nice, but nothing can compare to stuffing my snout into fresh tracks left in a new snowfall by a fat, insolent squirrel or starving deer. Now THAT is something that will never bring joy to you Bipeds. If it did, you’d wish winter lasted all year ’round. Like it does in… in… well… Labrador.

Speaking of Labrador, the bill to name the Maine State Dog a Labrador Retriever (LD 107) was defeated in Augusta. Apparently, lawmakers were still grappling with the fallout of naming the Official Maine State Treat the Whoopie Pie, and the official state boat the tugboat, and the official state igneous rock basalt, and the official state end punctuation mark the !

Of course now that the walls have been breached with the concept of a State Dog, everyone is proposing their own dogs. Goldens, Havanese, Pekingese, Basenji, Karelian Bear Dog, Venezuelan Beaver Dogs….. You get my point. I think Don is even considering nominating the Papua New Guinea Singing dog on the sole grounds that it would be “incredibly annoying and nonsensical.”

Maybe it’s the Labrador in me talking, but why shouldn’t the Maine State dog be a Lab? There’s a reason why the heavy hitters like LL Bean and Two Salty Dogs use Labs in all their promotions. It’s because we’re awesome! And we are ALL over Maine! I’d like to see a Vizsla swim past the icebergs ALL DAY for shot ducks or tennis balls. Not that I have anything against Vizslas or ducks, mind you. But Maine is Lab Country, people! Wake up and smell the kibble!

Enough negativity…..

Don’t forget to come see us for Fisherman’s Festival on April 24th – 26th. Not only are we having a 25% off sale on Saturday, there’s tons of stuff to do! Check it all out HERE!

You can find all us boys out in front of the shop on Saturday morning at 8am for the Codfish Relay Races. We couldn’t care less about the race, but if one of those runners should drop a 3ft codfish in front of the shop, that would be like going to the beach, getting a treat, and a belly rub all rolled up into one!

Not only is there a Codfish Relay Race, there’s lots of cool stuff going on the whole weekend. Stuff like this:

• Miss Shrimp Princess Competition
• Trap Hauling Competition
• Lobster Crate Running
• Bait Shoveling
• Fish Fry and Lobster Bake
• Tug of War
• Arts and Crafts Show
• Oyster Shucking Competition
• Giving Treats to Max Competition
• Giving Belly Rubs to Max Competition
• LOTS MORE!

So reserve your pet-friendly room at the Flagship Inn, and some time for Fido at the Coastal Dog now. They fill up fast! Then, on April 24th, grab your loved ones and shove them in the car against their will without telling them where you are going. Then drive like a love-crazed NASA astronaut to Boothbay Harbor. Do not pay attention to speed limit signs or law enforcement. Just drive as fast as you can until you get here. Come to a screeching halt outside Two Salty Dogs and run in to get me all the free treats from the bowl. Then give me a 20 minute belly rub. It will then be OK to take off your loved one’s blindfolds and the duct tape from their mouths. You’ve made it. Now you can relax.

Take Care!

-Max