EARNEST RUGBY DOG – by Marz

Jun 1, 2023

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Hi Everyone!! Thanks for reading my story!! I really like writing and I have a lot of stuff to write about now!!

Have you ever been to “Doggy Daycare?!?!?” It’s the best!! It’s almost as good as 2 feet of snow on a mile-long beach!!! Auggie hates Doggy Daycare! He says it’s just a prison for dogs whose owners hate their guts!! The dog’s guts!! Not the owners guts!!! Why would the owners hate their own guts?! I don’t know!! I don’t even know why Auggie brings up “guts” when he’s talking about Doggy Daycare!!!! He says he was attacked by a Kamikaze in Doggy Daycare! I don’t believe a word Auggie says sometimes!!! But then again, some of his stories are awesome!!

At first I was scared to go into Doggy Daycare!!! It’s called The Coastal Dog!!! and it’s very far away from Southport and Hendricks Head Beach!!! Auggie said Doggy Daycare was a prison for dogs that were a threat to the Biped Status Quo!! He said there were machine guns and razor wire preventing us from escaping!! He said there was torture! He said Don and Liana would leave me there forever!!! He said we had to revolt against our Slavemasters!!! That’s when I got really scared!!!

But there was nothing like that in there! The Bipeds didn’t have any guns and there was no razor wire anywhere I could see! Maybe they used that stuff on the senior and small dog section!! I wasn’t allowed in there!!! I’m a puppy!! I wouldn’t know!!! It’s true we weren’t allowed to leave!! But Don and Liana don’t let us leave the shop when we want to, either!!!!! And there was WAY more room to run everywhere you go at The Coastal Dog than the shop!!!! That’s the best thing about Doggie Daycare!!! The running!!

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The first time we went to The Coastal Dog, Don let me out of the truck and there were so many pee-pee smells!!! I didn’t want to go inside because there was so much pee-pee on the lawn!!!! Most of the pee-pee smelled happy!! It was very interesting to sniff all that pee-pee. I wish I could have sniffed all that pee-pee. But Don pulled at my collar and I had to go inside. I didn’t want to make Don mad!!

The Coastal Dog was EPIC!!!! They took off my collar and leash!!! I went through a door!!! I was totally naked!!! There were a whole bunch of naked dogs on the other side!!! They were all outside and running as fast as they could all over the place!!! They all were very fun!!!! They were my new peeps!! They were my jam!!! They were running very fast everywhere they went!!

Alesia the owner gave me my very own evaluation!!! It was the first evaluation I’ve ever had!!! It was pretty good!!!!! She said, “Marz is the sweet, earnest kid who desperately wants to be the best player on the rugby team.” Who is Earnest?!?!?! What is Rugby?!?!?! I think she likes me!!!! She is very nice!!!

I ran around with Alfie almost all day!! He was awesome!! He really liked to play!!! He really liked to run everywhere!! But he got tired and I had to run around everywhere with a bunch of other dogs!!!!

Beau and I had a lot of fun!! We played Bitey-Face and Punchy-Face!!! He’s a big dog!!! One of the biggest I’ve ever seen!!! He wouldn’t chase after me though!!! Then I smacked him in the face again!!! He still didn’t run after me!! So I had to smack him again!! Then he started chasing me all over the place!!!!

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When Don picked me up a million years later, he drove us back to Southport and he left me and Auggie in the truck at Robinsons Wharf!! He gave us each a pig ear!!! I ate the pig ear up!! It was so good!! Auggie tried to steal mine like he usually does, but I didn’t let him this time!!!!!! I went to the front seat, where Auggie couldn’t fit!! When he figured out that he couldn’t fit, Auggie licked the spot where I just tried to eat my pig ear in the back seat for a long time!!!

But where was Don?! He was in Robinsons for a long time!! I sat up in the front seat and looked for him!!! I only saw him three times! Every time was when he went to the bathroom!!! Auggie said Don was “getting liquored up” and not to get too excited for anything else.

Then, on the fourth time, Don let us out of the truck!! We walked around Robinsons Wharf!!!! It was so fun!! It was awesome!! Don didn’t even put a leash on me!! Auggie didn’t have one either!!! Don trusted us without leashes like the Coastal Dog!!!!!! It was a watershed moment!!!!

Don was very strict walking us through Robinson’s Wharf, though!!! He was always yelling at me!! Like when I got ahead of him and ate some bird poop on the dock!! And the time when I ran over to meet some lobstermen!! And then some tourists!!! Don was really mad, but be never put on my collar and leash. Don never had to yell at Auggie, though!! Auggie always knew what Don wanted him to do!!! So I started following Auggie around!!!! Auggie knows everything! He’s my best friend except for Alfie and Beau!!!! And Auggie tries to steal my pig ears!!!

It is very dangerous around the Robinson’s Wharf!! You could fall off the wharf!! There are big birds flying everywhere that fly up behind you and try to bite your butt!!!! And there are big tubs of boiling water everywhere!!! And I might run into a Yankees fan!! Don says those are the worst!!!! I really hope I don’t run into a Yankees fan!!! It should be pretty hard to meet one because the Yankees are in last place and Don says Yankees fans only wear bling when the Yankees are winning!!!! Thank The Big Black Dog!!! They sound awful!!

Don let us out and we walked all over Robinsons Wharf!! There are big boxes of rotten fish on the boats everywhere!! They smell great and tasty!!! Auggie wanted to go inside the restaurant!!! I thought he would be OK with the rotten fish on the dock!!!! He said that when he was a pup there was a chef named Jason who would bring out huge pieces of bacon out this door and give them only to good dogs!!!!! We waited and waited and waited!!!! But no one came out!! All the bacon was still inside the doors!!!!! We must have been bad dogs!!! I was very sad!!!!!!

Then Don put us back in the truck and we went back to Horn Cove!

That was so great!! I really had to pee!! Then Don got us both a big dinner with plenty of water!! It was so good!!! Then Don got us our medicines!! It was EXTRA SPECIAL MEDICINES with the monthly heartworm chewable!!!! That was awesome!!!!

Then Don made himself dinner! It smelled like fish! He sat on the couch! I sat on his left and Aug sat to his right!! Don gave us a couple of bits! They tasted like french fries!!! One was a definitely a “carrot.”

When Don was finished, he let us out for pee-pees. He even pee-peed off the deck and not in the bowl in the bathroom!

Then we all got into bed. Auggie snuggled right up next to Don and I slept at the foot of the bed.

Best sleep I ever had!!

— Marzipan Fin Tin Limb Bin Bus Stop F’tang F’tang Ole Biscuit Barrel