Max & Aug's Dog Blog
A Spike in Kamikaze Attacks - by Auggie
Posted November 1, 2017
On the days the Bread Eaters incarcerate me I don’t even know what my crime is. Stealing Big Dumb Buddy’s dog bone? Nipping Max in his fat snout for encroaching on my food bowl? Peeing in the hallway? Stealing a pig ear? Growling at the tail-up princess who challenged me in MY OWN shop? I don’t know, and I can’t tell. But I can’t believe that the Up-Righters just wake up and decide to punish me randomly. They are savage, but they are not random in their savagery....Continue Reading
Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume III - by Don
Posted October 1, 2017
So here we are again, you and me. Me- ready to divulge the innermost and most intimate details of my relationship with Max for your amusement, and You- ready to glance through this blog for any remotely funny snippets to ease the day-to-day brutal grind of your recurring Kafkaesque torment.
We're glad you're here.Continue Reading
Land of the Free and Home of the Dog - by Max
Posted September 1, 2017
I know Don and Liana give me freedoms that wouldn't befit other dogs. I am very grateful to them (Editors Note: Don & Liana, not the other dogs). They give me those freedoms because I go out of my way not to challenge Don and Liana on a whole range of issues.
I don't challenge them by committing common-dog crimes like getting into the garbage, taking up all the bed, barking at insignificant events, digging in the garden, or...Continue Reading
Big Dumb People - By Big Buddy Dog
Posted August 1, 2017
The Crazy Lady was talking to Don about food. The woman kept saying Don should switch my food. She said a lot of things I've never heard before and said that Don should feed me them. Don kept saying nicely that he switched my food and that I was itching because of the pollen. Don was getting frustrated because the Crazy Lady wasn't listening to him. I know that because he started speaking to her very slowly.....Continue Reading
Poop Rules - by Auggie
Posted July 1, 2017
I know all you reprobates are expecting Big Dumb Buddy's blog this month. I had to pre-empt his impaired little ditty to bring you this. It's a critical point of order we need to discuss. And when I say "discuss," I mean that I need you all to shut up, listen to me carefully, and do whatever I tell you immediately and without question....Continue Reading
Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume II - by Don
Posted June 1, 2017
When I left you last, Max was eight weeks old and had emerged from his Stone & Steel Stove Fortress to shred a little toy named Blue Bear. We realized that Max would tolerate us as food, shelter, warmth, treat, and shreddable-toy providers. Nothing else. We were ecstatic.......Continue Reading
From-Away Rube to a Boothbay Region Ruby - by Auggie
Posted May 1, 2017
It is befitting that May's blog should fall to me. In the past I have given all you thronging tourist rabble helpful public service announcements on such topics as: How to Blend Into Boothbay Without Looking Like a Total Rube, Questions Not to Ask at Our Shop Unless You Want to Look Like a Total Rube, and Embarrassing Things That Total Rubes Leave Behind When Visiting Us at Our Fortified Southport Bunker (Editor's Note: It's just a cottage).....Continue Reading
The Greatest Day -- by Max
Posted April 1, 2017
The Greatest Day started like any other - pestering Don to wake up at 4:30AM to feed us, breakfast and walkies, then back to the shop for treats and cajoling customers into giving us buttrubs and more treats. The store was really busy in the morning and it was snowing a little. But towards afternoon, it started snowing really hard and nobody came in. .....Continue Reading
Happy Things & Sad Things - By Buddy
Posted March 6, 2017
I don't even know where to start writing. Should I mix up all the things so all the sad things aren't together and make you really sad? Or maybe I should keep the sad things together because all the happy things will be together and that would make you really happy.....Continue Reading
Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume I - by Don
Posted February 1, 2016
Did you know that some of the names we considered for Max were: Gary, Bulge, Dozer, Bums, Chumlee, Pudgebot? No? That's because we were only seriously considering the non-stupid names. We're not totally deranged. But we got a solid laugh out of it, and I......Continue Reading
2016 Sucked -- by Auggie
Posted December 31, 2016
Yes. I posted this a day earlier than the other blogs. Don't test my leftover manufactured holiday cheer. I'm warning you.Continue Reading
Daylight Enslaving Time -- by Max
Posted December 1, 2016
Now, I'm not a dog who complains all the time, but it happened again this year. Sometime in early November Don stopped feeding us at the proper time. We three good dogs would get up at the regular breakfast time and wait patiently for breakfast. And wait. And when we could wait no more, we would....Continue Reading
Beastie Creatures -- By Buddy
Posted November 1, 2016
I'm glad it's my turn to write because since this summer something very strange has been happening around the shop. There are these little Beastie Creatures hanging around! I try to talk to them, but they just keep.....Continue Reading
9 Questions Not to Ask Don or Dog - by Auggie
Posted October 1, 2016
Hello all you thronging rabble. It is I, your Beloved and Benevolent Canine Overlord ~ Augustus Megatron Bulldozer. Please be seated.
The rumors are true. I have in my possession the best toy in the world. I dare say even better than pink piggy. It is like pink piggy in every aspect except that it resembles something called an "Underdog......"Continue Reading
How To Get More Food If You Love Food - By Max
Posted September 1, 2016
Max here. I am just fine, thank you!
As many of you know, I love food. Lots of food. Many kinds of food. In fact, if you have some food right now, there is a 99% chance that I would eat it. The only foods I won't eat are celery because the strings stick in my teeth and.... Hmmmmm..... and...... Well.....Continue Reading
Coal - by Don
Posted August 1, 2016
Hi there. It's Don. And I'm not a dog.
I didn't think it was appropriate for another dog to write about this. And given how much I loved Coal, I didn't think it was appropriate to skip or gloss over it. We lost Coal on July 19th. He was almost 13......Continue Reading
Hardly Working Dogs - By Buddy
Posted July 1, 2016
Hi there! It's Big Smart Buddy Dog! Writin' the Blog! And I'm rhyming like a... like a... Dog.
I'm not good at rhyming.Continue Reading
17 Messes in May - by Coal
Posted June 1, 2016
(Editors note: It is NOT RECOMMENDED you read this blog if you are queasy in general, and eating in specific. We are serious. You were warned).
Hi there! It's handsome Coal Dog and it's my turn at the blog. I hope I don't let you all down!
We moved back to the Southport cabin and I threw up my first four meals....Continue Reading
Supreme Fetch Dog Throughout All The Land - By Auggie
Posted May 1, 2016
I AM AUGUSTUS MEGATRON BULLDOZER. First of all Canines in Rome and otherwise. Get used to it.
I WILL ADMIT THAT BEING SUPERIOR to all dogs and humans has left me a bit lonely. Not lonely in the fuzzy, plebeian, common-rabble way like sharing a dog bed with old chums, but rather.....Continue Reading
Buddy Power! - By Buddy
Posted April 1, 2016
Hi there! It's me, Big Smart Buddy Dog!
I want to tell you about something that was really scary. Don and Liana didn't love me anymore. It was pretty scary! Don is usually my best buddy! And I am his dog named Buddy. I thought we had Buddy Power. But Buddy Power! failed that day.
On the morning of the Terrible Day, all the other dogs got breakfast and all I got was water...Continue Reading
Always a Head-Rub for a Good Dog - By Max
Posted March 1, 2016
Max here. I am just fine, thank you!
I'd like to talk to you for a second about someone who meant a lot to me. I can't remember when he wasn't a part of my life. He was Whit Smith and he was my friend.
Whit's gone now. I was by his side when when he passed.Continue Reading
Pucker Up Dead-Noses - by Auggie
Posted February 1, 2016
I am Augustus, ruler of all things Canine. You're welcome.
Now, before I get into my obligatory contribution for this paltry newsletter, I must make one thing absolutely, perfectly, crystal clear. I did not have relations with that wiener dog..........Continue Reading
Fat Dog Food No More - by Coal
Posted January 1, 2016
Hi there it's Handsome Coal Dog. I hope you are well.
We had a GREAT Christmas at Chez Salty! I got a new Kick Fetch! And make sure you're holding on to something solid when I tell you this next thing: IT GLOWS IN THE DARK! Now I can play fetch at all hours! It was one of the happiest moments of my life other than when I was whelped.....Continue Reading
Keys to the Kitchen of my Heart - by Buddy
Posted December 1, 2015
Hi everyone! It's me - Big Smart Buddy!
We had such a great Thanksgiving. Dons Mom came to stay and there were such great smells coming from the kitchen I could hardly believe it! It was everything I could do to not hop up on the hot stove and eat all the...Continue Reading
Rotten Apples but Good Boys -- By Max
Posted November 1, 2015
Max here. I am just fine, thank you!
What a great fall we had here in Boothbay Harbor! There were so many blueberries and raspberries and blackberries! And now all the apples are becoming rotten. Even Don will grab a few ripe ones off the tree as we hike Boothbay Region Land Trusts...Continue Reading
Fashion Shows and Mashed Potatoes -- By Auggie
Posted October 1, 2015
I am Emperor Augustus, your Canine Lord and Master. I can be benevolent or malevolent. Your attitude towards me will determine what attitude you shall receive from me.
Thanks a lot, Deadnoses. One of you ratted me out and ruined my dreams and ambitions of taking over this rotten pack in a single email. Please leave me YOUR bosses and wives email addresses and allow me to.....Continue Reading
The Acorn and the Anvil -- by Coal
Posted September 4, 2015
Thank you for calling me Handsome Coal Dog. I have been working on ways to become more handsome for all the nice people. There is this lovely pile of rotten seaweed in Southport I've been trying to work into my back and belly areas. And I just love the chance to work that warm, moisturizing, stinky swamp mudpack into every single pore of my body. I hope you all appreciate it........Continue Reading
Buddy the Extraordinary Gentledog -- By Buddy
Posted August 18, 2015
Don calls me "Big Dumb Buddy" because he says I'm big, I'm dumb, and my name is Buddy. Sometimes he'll sing a song to me:
He's a Big Dumb Buddy Dog,
He's our big dumb dog.
Scraps, Scrubs, Berries & Buddies -- By Max
Posted August 1, 2015
Max Here! I am just fine. Thank You!
For those of you who expected Buddy to be writing this blog because it was his turn, he's asked me to tell you that he is completely exhausted from winning the Doggie Musical Chairs at the Mutt Scrub.....Continue Reading
Blitzkrieg Birthday Manifesto -- By Auggie
Posted July 1, 2015
I am Augustus Megatron Bulldozer. If you do exactly as I say, EXACTLY...... you may stand a chance of leaving Boothbay Harbor alive this summer.
As so many of you know, my birthday is on July 5th. I will be turning four in dog years, but in human years I'll be turning 28 - old enough to run for office in this provincial way-station of Maine. I try to be positive, but what can you do....Continue Reading
The Breakfasts and The Dogmanity -- By Coal
Posted June 1, 2015
We're used to a lot of craziness around Chez Salty. But you will need to suspend disbelief when I tell you what befell us 4 Good Dogs on the weekend of May 2nd.
The day started out normally enough. A great day of treats and belly rubs for us boys at the shop while I sat in the car the entire day. When the shop was finally closed, Don loaded us all into the car and headed back to....Continue Reading
High-Fivin' The Night Away -- by Buddy.
Posted May 1, 2015
My name is Buddy and this is my first time writing on the Blog. Or anything for that matter. I hope I don't let you all down!
All the other dogs have been asking me to write. I think they don't want to write as much. Except for Auggie. He writes a lot. And I didn't want to write until I felt like I was truly a member of Chez Salty. I am happy toContinue Reading
Fare Thee Well, Winter -- by Max
Posted April 1, 2015
Max here! I am just fine, thank you!
Did you vote for us as the best Maine Pet Store? No? DO IT NOW! Do it NOW!!!!!!!!!!! Don always jokes that if we don't win he'll have to give one of us dogs up to medical testing just to make ends meet.......Continue Reading
Wonder Not, Gentle Suburbanite -- By Auggie
Posted March 1, 2015
My Name is Augustus. My friends may call me "Auggie" or "Aug Dog." Only my most intimate acquaintances may call me "Auggie Doggie." You most certainly may NOT call me "Hoggie" or "Hog Dog." And "Hawggie Dawggie" is out of the question. There will be grave consequences should you cross that line. You know who you are, and you should tremble with fear until....Continue Reading
The BIG One -- by Max
Posted February 1, 2015
Hi There! I'm Max. I'm just fine, thank you!
I finally got time at the computer because Don is out bringing in the rest of the wood pile before the BIG STORM tomorrow buries it all until next June. He wasn't happy about having to do it either, that salty old cuss! It's good for him though. Like when I get my ears cleaned. I HATE that! But afterwards...."Continue Reading
Coal in Your Stocking - By Coal
Posted on January 1, 2015
Hi there, I'm Coal the fuzzy 11-year old lab at the store. My muzzle is getting pretty gray. Thank you for not reminding me of that. I still feel 2 years old.
A lot of you have been coming into the shop to say hello to me and I am nowhere to be found. But don't worry! I'm just out in the car. I like to spend long hours in the car around.....Continue Reading
Auggie's Reign Deer of Terror
Posted on December 14,2014
I am Augustus. You should address me as such. See that you do in future, and your past transgressions shall be forgotten.
My intention was to write a heartwarming account of the "True Meaning of Christmas" using the adopt-o-dogs Buddy and Coal as my pity-vehicles because the Christmas topic has never......Continue Reading
Three Men Night -- by Max
Posted on November 27, 2014
Hi There! I'm Max. I'm just fine, Thank You!
It's only November, but we're having our second blizzard! And boy oh boy has it been a great day! Not only did we get morning walkies, but when the snow started to pile up this afternoon, Don took all...Continue Reading
The Buddy of My Buddy is Coal's Friend -- By Coal
Posted on November 1, 2014
Hi there, I'm Coal the fuzzy black lab at the shop who likes food, long walks on the beach, pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. I'm not into yoga, and yes, I have half a brain. And for those of you who got that song reference without web-help - congratulations!
Lately things have been getting slower at the shop. So those of you who came in this summer to rub...Continue Reading
Break Away From Being "From Away" Volume I -- By Auggie
Posted on October 16, 2014
My first name is Augustus. My middle name is Megatron. My Surname is Bulldozer. I am Auggie. You must yield to me. I will protect you.
Now, I'm a practical dog. I like my treats hearty, my walks long, and my breath stinky at all times. I have no time for pretension. And I must say that I love this time of year when things have slowed down...Continue Reading
Jeepers Creepers-- Leaf Peepers! -- By Max
Posted On October 1, 2014
Max Here. I am just fine, Thank You!
And a big "Thank You!" to those of you who are reading this through the link on our new newsletter! Talk about bragging rights! You are my best buddies in the whole world! If I could come out of this computer to rub your head and say "Good Bi-Ped! Good Boy! Let's go on Walkies!" I would.....Continue Reading
Fall Down, Clean-Up -- By Auggie
Posted on September 9, 2014
I am Augustus Megatron Bulldozer. You may know me as "Auggie" or "Aug Dog." I am the anchor for this whole train wreck of a store. Thank you for supporting my reform efforts.
As you may know, the coast of Maine is much more relaxed now that all you tourists are safely....Continue Reading
Berry Friendly - By Max
Posted on August 22, 2014
I am Max and I am just fine, thank you! And thanks for all the belly-rubs this summer!
I just wanted to let all you bipeds know that the blackberries at Ocean Point Preserve are ripe. Not at the actual Ocean Point, but at the Boothbay Region Land Trust's Ocean Point Preserve! Auggie, Coal....Continue Reading
Coal's Birthday 2014 - By Coal
Posted on August 7, 2014
Hi there. I'm Coal. I'm the big fuzzy Lab you'll see asleep in front of the register. Don says I fall asleep there so I can get my fair share of attention. I just fall asleep there because I get a good view of the free treat bowl. If one of those things should accidentally fall to the ground, I will be on it like.... like... like... something really quick on something really....Continue Reading
Boothbay Harbor Mutt Scrub 2014
Posted on July 23, 2014
I am Augustus Megatron Bulldozer. Most of you respectfully call me Auggie, Aug, or Aug Dog. Don calls me Hog Dog or Seagull (Editor's Note: Because if he had wings he'd fly to all the restaurants and fight the seagulls for the french fries in the parking lot). He shan't have that sense of humor for long. I shall see to that. I have already enacted a clever plan to hide or destroy all his......Continue Reading
Max's Birthday / New Website! - By Max
Posted on June 21, 2014
Max Here. I am just fine, thank you!
In case you missed it, my 7th birthday on May 16th was just fine. I got a squirrel-covered cake like I asked for (Editor's Note: They were squirrels made of yogurt frosting, not the real squirrels he was.....Continue Reading
Coal’s Zombie Class 2013 - By Coal
Posted on October 8, 2013
Hi there. I’m Coal, the 10-year old black lab at Two Salty Dogs. Don calls me “The Geezer.” I’m the black lab at the shop who loves swimming, playing fetch, peanut butter treats, and affection. In fact, I like just about everything, everyone, and every dog I’ve ever met. The only thing I cannot stand is zombies. Filthy, stinking, rotten, brain-eating zombies! DOG……I hate them SO much!!!!!!!!!!!Continue Reading
HarborFest 2013 - By Max
Posted on September 9, 2013
Max here. I am just fine, thank you.
Just a quick update on the Mutt Scrub– We raised over $1,000 for the Lincoln County Animal Shelter and BARKK! Everyone did such a great job! And Coal won the the dog version of musical chairs.....
Boothbay Harbor Mutt Scrub 2013 - By Auggie
Posted on July 20, 2013
I am Aug. This is my dog blog. Yes. I like the ring to that…. Aug’s Dog Blog. Well, what do you know?
First of all, “thank you” to my loyal followers who alerted me that my pack-mates have been calling me “Seagull” behind my back. Don started this insolence, and says it’s because I go after dropped treats in...
Max's Birthday 2013 - By Max
Posted on May 16, 2013
Max here. I am just fine, thank you. Singing— “It’s My Birthday and I’ll Eat As Much As I Want To…”
That’s right. My Birthday is on the 16th of May. I try to play it up as much as I can, but the shop first opened on that day. And Cole/Coal came to us on that day. So sometimes my special day gets....
Fisherman's Festival 2013 - Auggie
Posted on April 12, 2013
Auggie Here, I have just read The Fattie’s paltry, hack-job, write-up from last year’s Fisherman’s Festival. I am so angry I could bite through a rhinoceros femur bone.
How long did you think I wouldn’t be able to read, LoserDog? Did you think I would let this one slide? Balderdash…. I will tell it exactly how last year’s Fisherman’s Festival happened.....
Boothbay Region Land Trust Trails - By Coal
Posted on April 12, 2013
Coal here, My coat IS very soft and furry. Thank you for saying so. I am only as Dog made me, and I am glad you people enjoy rubbing it so much. Sometimes in the winter the rubbing builds up a static charge and it zaps my nose. So watch out. I wouldn’t want my nose to zap you because of my furry coat....Continue Reading
Walk for the Animals 2013 - By Max
Posted on February 25, 2013
Max here. I am just fine, thank you. The nights are getting longer and cooler, and I notice all the squirrels are fatter and more insolent. And the annoying thing is that I have to wake Liana and Don up in pitch blackness to get fed at 4:45am. Sometimes forcefully. Sometimes by staring balefully at their faces with my snout ½ inch from their face until my dank exhale cakes their eyes with gunk......Continue Reading
I am Coal. Hear Me Bark! - By Coal
Posted on September 20, 2012
Both Max and Aug say it’s about time I wrote something to earn my keep, so here I am. I am Cole. You may know me as the black lab who hangs out in front of the store with the silver beard, white stripe on my chest, and sleeps in the bushes when he’s tired of being poked and prodded. I’m new to this pack, so I’m going to change my name to Coal. My 9th birthday is on August 15th. I hope....Continue Reading
Deb's Used Tennis Balls - By Auggie
Posted on August 26, 2012
I am Auggie and this is my first write-up. I had been trying to avoid doing this shellackery for as long as I could. But I could not allow Fatso’s (Editor’s Note– Max’s) last recrimination of me to stand. I have NOT bitten anyone. Maybe when I was a 3-month old pup, but certainly not after then. I have bitten FATSO plenty of times, but only as a defensive maneuver, and absolutely not intended to harm him. But....Continue Reading
Max Loves Food -- By Max
Posted on June 18, 2012
Max here. Auggie and Cole are fighting over a stuffed penguin covered in dog drool. It’s a normal night here in Southport.
Those of you who know me know that I love food. I mean I reeeeeeaaaaally love food. And yes, I know....
It's Not a K9 Crooked House, It's a K9 Crooked Home - By Max & Auggie
Posted on May 22, 2012
Max: I guess they call these K-9 Crooked Houses a “dog house.”
Aug: I thought a dog house was where my toys, rope, and dog bones were.
Max: Nope. That's what you call a “Human House” or “Property.” But you can put all of your favorite things into a dog house.
Aug: ROWF!!!! I thought Property was MY house. What's a dog house?
Max & Aug's Posts
- A Spike in Kamikaze Attacks - by Auggie
- Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume III - by Don
- Land of the Free and Home of the Dog - by Max
- Big Dumb People - By Big Buddy Dog
- Poop Rules - by Auggie
- Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume II - by Don
- From-Away Rube to a Boothbay Region Ruby - by Auggie
- The Greatest Day -- by Max
- Happy Things & Sad Things - By Buddy
- Salty to the Bone - Max: Volume I - by Don
- 2016 Sucked -- by Auggie
- Daylight Enslaving Time -- by Max
- Beastie Creatures -- By Buddy
- 9 Questions Not to Ask Don or Dog - by Auggie
- How To Get More Food If You Love Food - By Max
- Coal - by Don
- Hardly Working Dogs - By Buddy
- 17 Messes in May - by Coal
- Supreme Fetch Dog Throughout All The Land - By Auggie
- Buddy Power! - By Buddy
- Always a Head-Rub for a Good Dog - By Max
- Pucker Up Dead-Noses - by Auggie
- Fat Dog Food No More - by Coal
- Keys to the Kitchen of my Heart - by Buddy
- Rotten Apples but Good Boys -- By Max
- Fashion Shows and Mashed Potatoes -- By Auggie
- The Acorn and the Anvil -- by Coal
- Buddy the Extraordinary Gentledog -- By Buddy
- Scraps, Scrubs, Berries & Buddies -- By Max
- Blitzkrieg Birthday Manifesto -- By Auggie
- The Breakfasts and The Dogmanity -- By Coal
- High-Fivin' The Night Away -- by Buddy.
- Fare Thee Well, Winter -- by Max
- Wonder Not, Gentle Suburbanite -- By Auggie
- The BIG One -- by Max
- Coal in Your Stocking - By Coal
- Auggie's Reign Deer of Terror
- Three Men Night -- by Max
- The Buddy of My Buddy is Coal's Friend -- By Coal
- Break Away From Being "From Away" Volume I -- By Auggie
- Jeepers Creepers-- Leaf Peepers! -- By Max
- Fall Down, Clean-Up -- By Auggie
- Berry Friendly - By Max
- Coal's Birthday 2014 - By Coal
- Boothbay Harbor Mutt Scrub 2014
- Max's Birthday / New Website! - By Max
- Coal’s Zombie Class 2013 - By Coal
- HarborFest 2013 - By Max
- Boothbay Harbor Mutt Scrub 2013 - By Auggie
- Max's Birthday 2013 - By Max
- Fisherman's Festival 2013 - Auggie
- Boothbay Region Land Trust Trails - By Coal
- Walk for the Animals 2013 - By Max
- I am Coal. Hear Me Bark! - By Coal
- Deb's Used Tennis Balls - By Auggie
- Max Loves Food -- By Max
- It's Not a K9 Crooked House, It's a K9 Crooked Home - By Max & Auggie